I’ve been meaning to share updates on our progress at the Riverside Retreat, but we’ve been a bit preoccupied with a newborn and trying to figure out our new normal. We’ve hired out some help and have been DIYing the rest, but we are wayyy behind our original schedule to complete this house as priorities have shifted.
I had so much more time and energy when I was 9 months pregnant, ha! I’m trying not to beat myself up about it as I know one day this will all be a distant memory, but it’s always tough when you’re in the thick of renovations with seemingly no end in sight.
Fortunately, things are wrapping up soon with our new master bathroom! Weeks ago I shared our Blue Lagoon Design Plan:
Quick recap—this is a tiny master bathroom we’ve created from scratch by adding walls in an adjacent bathroom and bedroom:
When I say tiny, I mean the smallest room I’ve ever worked with—33 square feet and just large enough for a pedestal sink, toilet and shower. But what it lacks in size, it certainly makes up for in personality!
Before bringing this bathroom to life, first thing was first: building a new closet from scratch:
Followed by a complete remodel of the main bathroom:
Over the summer we made (slow) progress on the new master bathroom, and I’m happy to say we’re nearing the finish line. There are no before photos to share since this room didn’t exist, but here’s Day 1 of demo, opening up the wall in the old bathroom (you can see the master bedroom window on the left):
Here’s the view from inside the bedroom, looking into the open space that would become both bathrooms:
A lot of work needed to be done, including repairing the foundation, replacing joists, running all new plumbing and electric. We basically had to start from scratch. Once all the not-so-fun demo stage was over, it was time to start adding walls! First up was the wall separating the bedroom (you can see the opening for the door on the left and new closet on the right).
Followed by the walls to separate this bathroom from the main bathroom…
We also opted to add a 2’x4′ window to let in some much needed light and prevent this small room from feeling like a closet.
Next came the floors…
A shower curb was constructed and hardi-backer hung…
We ran into a situation with the plumbing for the sink, and our installer decided it would be best to construct a 2×4″ frame rather than break into the block wall to recess it. We opted to limit the bumpout to just behind the vanity, as we couldn’t afford to lose 4″ of wall space in this already cramped bathroom.
Fortunately, it ended up working out quite nicely because it gave me the idea to run a shelf ledge all the way across the back wall for much needed storage.
Our Cloe blue tile covers the wall below the shelf ledge, and continues floor to ceiling on the back wall and around the shower.
Drywall/backer board install is always one of the most exciting parts, when you can finally get a sense of space!
While the size makes it difficult to capture much in one photo, we were pleasantly surprised to find the room didn’t feel as cramped as we’d imagined in person.
The next big milestone: tile! These pebble tiles require some artistic ability to install, as you have to constantly step back and rearrange individual stones to avoid seeing the seams.
Fortunately, grouting does help to minimize the lines and even things out. We used Mapei sanded grout in Alabaster.
Next came the statement-making Cloe tile…
We used the same Alabaster grout here to help blend the tiles a bit.
We also installed the shelf ledge across the vanity wall to provide some counter space. I plan to stain the wood in a light-medium tone (still deciding on the color).
The small pedestal sink ended up being the perfect size, and how bout those lovely swans?!
I’m digging it.
We still need to finish the trim, paint, hang the mirror and light and artwork, install the shower faucet/drains, shower curtain, hooks and accessories.
This room is nearly impossible to photograph even with a wide angle, so you’ll just have to come see it in person 😉 The Cloe tile is absolutely gorgeous in real life—perfectly imperfect with a lovely translucent quality.
I’ll have to share a video tour in my Instagram stories so you can get a better sense of the space once it’s finished. Watch for that in the coming weeks!
Next up is the kitchen…
It’s not looking like much right now, but we’re slowly getting there. I shared the design plans in this post and our progress in this post. Since then we installed the butcher block counters:
And tested out green paint swatches for the lower cabinets.
These were the Valspar test samples I used for the main bathroom since I already had them on hand, and I was most drawn to #3 (Valspar Alpine Top). However, cabinets require special paint and after much research, I opted to use Benjamin Moore’s Advance paint which is made for cabinets. Valspar also has a cabinet enamel which I’ve heard good things about, and I would have gone that route, except they only offer it in a semi-gloss finish. Come on, Valspar! I prefer to use satin, so Benjamin Moore it is.
I went to my local Ben Moore and picked up a sample of their closest color match, Peale Green. It’s the HC-121 swatch on the bottom right.
Here’s Peale Greene painted on the front sample board, next to Valspar’s Alpine Top (#3). It’s a bit more olive and not quite as saturated as Alpine Top, but I don’t mind. I’m not trying to match a specific color exactly, so I’d rather stick with an off-the-shelf color vs trying to custom color match, to keep things simple.
We purchased a paint gun and respiratory mask and have the cabinet doors in the garage, ready to go. There’s a lot of prep work, priming and drying time involved, so it won’t be a quick and easy process, but that’s next on our DIY to-do list.
Last weekend, we ordered a range hood insert and Lucas built a custom vent hood surround (you can see it here, pre-installation):
I opted for a simple square design, but I’ve got something fun and very unique planned for the finishing touch. I’ve never seen it done before and it’s a big experiment, so you’ll have to stay tuned to see what it is 🙂
The box was built out of cabinet grade 3/4″ plywood and 2×4’s, and attached to the studs.
A hole was cut at the bottom for the vent, which was then attached to the plywood. Easiest DIY ever!
I looked everywhere and found this insert to be the most affordable with the best reviews. It can be vented to the outside or recirculated (with a charcoal kit)—we plan to run the vent up to the roof for maximum efficiency.
There’s still a lot that needs to be done as you can see, but just like every messy stage of life… this too shall pass.
Switching gears to a more personal topic now—let’s talk about motherhood and work/life balance. Our Esmé is almost six weeks old and I will say, no one can prepare you for the shift that happens once they place that baby in your arms. Shift doesn’t even describe it—more like a magnitude 10 earthquake that shakes everything to the ground and forces you to rebuild a new life. I expected this, of course, but didn’t quite expect the massive hormone drop in those first weeks and the complete lack of productivity even though I’m awake 20 hours a day.
PinThat second part is what gets to me most—those days, weeks and months on end of constant projects and progress, abruptly coming to an end. They’ve been traded for non-stop nursing, pumping, cuddling and calming. Quite the transition, and I don’t take it for granted, but at the same time I feel disconnected from the world and my old self. It’s tough to scroll through Instagram and see the amazing projects everyone else is working on while ours have been stalled for weeks. It’s hard to stay inspired and motivated to keep going when you’re so exhausted and limited, both physically and with your time.
PinI get the most fulfillment when I’m bringing my creative vision to life and accomplishing goals, and those are on the back burner right now. I worry I’ll never be highly productive again… Esmé will always need my attention during the day, I can only be gone for so long (without paying for child care). I can’t imagine balancing more than one child—I don’t know how you other mamas do it!
PinThere are a few silver linings on the horizon, though. Tomorrow I have my six week checkup and hopefully I’ll be cleared for exercise, which means I can finally get out of the house for mommy & me workouts. I am so looking forward to being active again, stepping outside and socializing with other new moms. I know it will be invaluable for my mental health and overall wellbeing.
PinThe other hope I’m holding onto is the fact that 6-8 weeks seem to generally be the most difficult peak for newborns (as far as crying, sleeping, digestive issues, etc) and that her sweet little personality will continue to develop. There’s nothing better than newborn coos and ear to ear grins—they’re what keep me going all day!
PinSo that’s where I’m at, nearly six weeks into this motherhood journey. More difficult than I anticipated, but I love this baby more than life itself and I know we’ll eventually find our rhythm. And it helps to know I’m not in this alone—I feel such a connection to all of you other mamas!
PS—our photographer captured the sweetest little video for our girl. You can watch it here 🙂
More to come…
Catherine Gsell says
It gets easier! Promise! You’re in the thick of it right now. Hang in there mama!
Ruth says
Now weeks look like years for you. It overwhelming but it will pass. Esmé is here to teach you to pause. Take this opportunity, you will grow and will realize that these moments, that are now eternal, will not come back again. Not with her.
Tamara says
Hi Jenna, first and most importantly you are so talented and such an inspiration! 🙂 Thank you for sharing your ideas and work with us. Like others, I really relate to what you have said about motherhood. Thank you for your honesty. The first several months to half a year were very hard for me as well, even though I was overwhelmed with love for my daughter and felt very happy while I was struggling. I cried a lot of tears and felt, at times, very sad and lonely during maternity leave. I want to validate all of your feelings. They are real and they are reasonable. <3 My daughter was not at all a sleepy newborn, so I also really relate to your struggles on that front. I remember feeling so isolated during my maternity leave because my newborn wouldn't sleep on the go, and she needed to be sleeping a lot at that age! Overtiredness builds up fast in newborns and compounds thanks to adrenaline. An overtired baby has an even harder time sleeping — takes longer to fall asleep and sleeps less. Ugh! Conversely, my best friend's newborn was the sleepiest, sleepyhead ever and would zonk out anywhere and everywhere. It was soo hard seeing how free and breezy things were for them compared to us. Our first 3 months of parenthood were profoundly different even though we were experiencing it simultaneously. Like you, I am a very high energy, creative person, working as an artist, DIY renovator, and lawyer. I am back doing all of it, albeit in a different way, but it took some time to get there. My daughter is now 19 months old. We bought a new flip 1.5 months ago and are spending weekends living there and working on it with her in tow, and taking turns during the week going over individually while one of stays home with her. I am still practicing law. I still sew and paint. We've taken a family ski trip, family camping trips, go hiking, have visited lots of friends and family out of state. You guys will find your groove and life will continue with your little partner in crime, and it will be great. Nothing in life is static, thankfully. And time alone is VERY important, as is time alone with your partner and time with your friends. No guilt about taking care of yourself!! Airplane oxygen air mask, so to speak. 😉
P.S. I know you've received a lot of input on baby sleep already, and I also know that advice can become irritating. I mean this as a form of support because~ shooo, i remember those days, and as a testimonial for what worked for me/her/us. Our daughter's issue wasn't just gas or reflux, although she did have a bad period of gas. We used the Windi and did lots of baby leg bicycles and just road it out; some days were bad, others were fine. It went away with time (most likely just due to the maturation of her intenstines). Her bigger issue was awareness — even from a few weeks old she couldn't relax in an interesting, bright environment. We had to accept this reality and figure out how to set her up for success. I learned a lot about the science of infant sleep (natural circadian rhythms, age appropriate awake vs sleep needs in a 24 hour period, etc.), created a plan and an optimal sleep environment. It was not luck, it took effort and a really disciplined focus, but it did work & honestly saved my sanity and her health. She was a terrible sleeper and I was desperate. She's a GREAT sleeper now, and has been for a long time. I read several books but recommend this website and community as being the most user friendly (start with the "featured" post when and if it feels right):
https://community.babycenter.com/groups/a199215/teaching_your_baby_and_toddler_to_sleep
Most importantly, just very good luck. Esme' is gorgeous!
Jenna Sue says
Thank you so much for sharing your story and the great resources, Tamara! That thread is such a wealth of knowledge. It’s a lot of the same info as the Taking Cara Babies newborn course I took, but reading through it has confirmed to me that Esmé’s sleep issues are because she’s overtired. I’m so glad to hear things are easier/better for you now and I’m sure we’ll get there someday soon! <3
Nicole says
So much depends on what kind of baby you have! My first two were twins and sleeping through the night by 8 weeks, all on their own. We’re on a schedule and generally very easy babies. Then my third came along when the twins were 2 and he was a devil baby!!! I hated anyone whose baby didn’t scream nonstop and who nursed easily. The youngest is about to be 3 and the twins 5 and my youngest is still demanding but an absolute joy and things are soooooooooooo much easier. Hard babies are flippin HARD!! Hang in there! The kids all do projects with us now and I think you’ll really enjoy that part of parenting when the time comes!
Amy says
First off, she’s beautiful! I had a huge transition to infancy and I really struggled to get myo grove. I felt even worse because I thought I should “do it better” or be able to run my life better. So, I just want to encourage you to hang in there. You are such an inspiration and your projects are amazing. You accomplish more than most people and I am always amazed by your stamina and motivation. So maybe this season is a bit slower, but it’s temporary and we’ll all be here waiting for your new projects.!
Jenna Sue says
I appreciate the kind words, Amy!
Mari says
HI,
I’m farther into this parenting thing than you, and I’m here to say hang in there! It may not get easier, but you will get better at it. No one learned to walk without falling down a few times, right? Or as my ob-gyn put it, “Of course you’re having problems nursing! You’ve never done it before.” Not helpful advice in the moment, but years and babies later, it is.
xoxo
Jenna Sue says
That’s so true Mari! Things haven’t gotten any easier since she came along, but I can feel myself getting used to it and handling it better.
Ashlea says
Good Morning Jenna! I loved reading about your project updates. And thanks for sharing your honest spot 6 weeks postpartum. It is a RIDE for sure. So many emotions, and a new identity that you are suddenly born into over night: mama! While still trying to be who you’ve always been. Give yourself grace. You will find your new normal. After 4 babies, I find that I start to feel more like myself around the 3 month mark- life finds a rhythm- baby is sleeping a bit better, and I feel more confident as a mom and reading my baby’s needs. It’s all different, and it’s all normal 😉 If that makes sense! Blessings on you both!
Jenna Sue says
Thank you Ashlea! These newborn weeks feel like years–I’m looking forward to the end of the 4th trimester!
Heidi Filley says
Here to say… I’m in the thick of it with a 4 week old. Everyone tells me this is a season – and since they’ve survived it I’m finding myself clinging to that. You’re not alone in this experience and I’m grateful for women who are honest about how it’s hard. Struggling doesn’t mean lack of a grateful heart.
Jenna Sue says
Solidarity to you mama! I’m feeling a lot better at 6 weeks than I was at 4, so hang in there! We’ve got this <3
Nicole says
Beautiful video! As a mother of two grown children, enjoy this time. It may seem that you are not accomplishing as much as you like, but you are!! You are taking care of the most precious design project there is.
Amy Jarrell says
It does get better! Those first few months are so hard. I think it’s great you are speaking about it so openly. All the things you are feeling are so normal! You will find a balance once you are able to get out. Try and find a La Leche group in your area or mommy exercise groups. You are doing a great job! It’s the best and hardest job of your life!
Jenna Sue says
Thanks Amy! I’ll be joining a few mom groups ASAP and I’m sure that will help 🙂
Kersten says
I hope you are embracing the ways in which you are highly productive today that are different than six weeks ago. Nursing, pumping, caring, and cuddling are all productive and necessary activities. Those activities will require less time as Esme gets older and will open up space for you to do the highly productive things that fill you up. In the meantime, make sure you are carving out time in your day that is meant only for you. Maybe it starts as 15 minutes, but engage in something that makes you feel like yourself again. I’ve found in my own life, that doing it consistently everyday makes a big difference in my mental health and how I handle stress (and makes me a much better mother!) Now that my kids are older, my goal is 60 minutes per day. Exercising again will also help. Sending you hugs and solidarity in this awesome and sometimes awful journey. 😉
Jenna Sue says
Very true, I’m doing exactly what I need to be doing right now! It has taken a while to accept that but I’m slowly coming around 🙂 Fortunately Lucas has been a huge help and I’ve been able to escape for some “me time” when needed.
Sarah says
I can’t wait to see how those rooms continue to improve! Motherhood is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and that definitely includes renovating homes and getting an engineering degree. Be gentle with yourself! This is a really big transition. You WILL get your groove back eventually. You’ll have easier days (around 6-9 months when they can play a little by themselves and take longer naps!) and then it will get harder again when they are older and more mobile and dumping crackers everywhere and OMG, WHERE DID YOU FIND THAT LIPSTICK?! Don’t be ashamed or too proud to ask for help! We can’t do it all. Maybe it’s a cleaning service, maybe it’s part time care so you have a few uninterrupted hours of dedicated work time. Maybe it’s a laundry service or meal kits.
Jenna Sue says
Thank you for the reassurance, Sarah! I’m really looking forward to the days where we can communicate with her — even though that comes with its own set of problems 😉
Michelle says
Thank you sooo much for your honesty!! I hope you feel supported by the communities you’ve built for yourself — family, real-life, and here on the internet.
Does it help to know that your worries are everyone’s worries? So many people — myself included! — worry they’ll never be productive again . . . that there will be no time for life in between feedings . . . that they will never be able to handle more than one kid. But as a previous commenter said, you find a groove! The baby gets a little more self-sufficient — even the difference between 6 weeks and 12 weeks is HUGE for newborns.
You will sleep again, I guarantee it. You will be productive again. And when the time is right, even though it’s laughable to think about now, you will be able to handle another one, if you so choose.
You’re doing great. Just take care of yourself and sweet Esme, and try not to stress about what you feel like you aren’t getting done. After all, there’s a reason maternity leave exists and is so important. Even though your job doesn’t lend itself well to maternity leave, like every other mother of a newborn, you’re just trying to survive right now, and that’s OK.
Jenna Sue says
I couldn’t survive this without support! And I’m even more grateful that I waited so long and didn’t have kids in my 20’s. I don’t think I would have been the best mom with no family/support system around and much less patience/life experience. Everything happens for a reason!
Carla says
It’s awful, that feeling that you’ve lost your old life. I would argue that it’s worse than labour or sleep deprivation. But it gets better, I promise. One of the things I had to learn with my first is that you and your baby will always be changing. Next week will be different and the week after that again. You kind of find a new normal (think months, not weeks, though). It won’t be the same as before, but it will be good too. Good luck!
Jenna Sue says
Thank you so much, Carla! I know time will go by fast (even though the days feel so long right now) and eventually I’ll miss these days… at least parts of them 😉
Kimberly says
Your candor about your first few weeks of motherhood really resonated with me. Like you, I found them to be a challenge. I was a high performing executive who loved her job and loved taking on new challenges. When I had my first daughter I struggled because I felt that I had lost my identity. Deadlines and strategy sessions had been replaced with diaper changing and floor pacing as I was bleary eyed and craving sleep. I no longer had the sense of accomplishment that came from completing initiatives and marking things off on my to do list. I was envious of my husband’s time at work and felt diminished when I talked about my day which seemed monotonous and unchanging from one day to the next. Yes, I had those wonderful moments when my daughter was in my arms gazing up at me. But, they did not give me the same thrill as closing a deal. I knew that I was incredibly fortunate to not only have a child, but also have the time to be at home with her. I can’t say that there was a seismic shift where things miraculously changed. However, day by day I found my footing as I navigated my way through the rocky road of motherhood. Being able to get out and about will be your first step. Recapturing those things that make you uniquely you (exercising, working) will smooth things out. As Esme grows and sleeps more reliably you’ll be able to have some of those moments where you do cross things off your list and where you will feel accomplished again. Incorporate “to dos” that include her- take Esme to the park, switch out Esme’s newborn clothes for 3-6 month clothes- however small it doesn’t matter. Motherhood is very hard and everyone experiences it differently. Just know that by loving Esme you are doing it right and you will find your groove again. Sending much comfort your way.
And meanwhile, look around at the beauty that you have created. Your work is incredible and you dazzle us all with your creativity, inspiration and design.
Jenna Sue says
I needed to hear this today, thank you Kimberly! Sounds like you went through the same journey I’m on. It’s definitely better now than it was just a couple weeks ago, and I do feel the adjustment becoming a little easier each day. It really just takes time to adapt to this enormous life change!
Nicole says
You’re doing a great job, mama. You will find your groove again – be patient and kind to yourself. Also, it’s hard to see it now, but your life won’t always have to be planned in two hour increments. Find small ways of fulfilling that need to create until then. Promise it gets so much better!
Jenna Sue says
Thanks Nicole, I’m definitely holding onto that hope and I know this is all temporary! No one prepares you for how hard these first months are!